No words

I was this close to giving up.

I've been applying for away rotations since the end of February and I have nothing to show for it. I read student forums, tried to ask the two m4s I knew in ophtho, asked my mentor who said she would talk to the residents and ask her colleague there and then...didn't. I didn't know if I should go to a place like Davis or Irvine and work hard enough there to perhaps guarantee the spot, or go to a place like Doheny or Jules Stein which are reaches for everyone. I don't know where I'm going to be in a year, so I decided to apply to Doheny. Even if I end up in Kansas in the end, at least for one month I'll know what it's like to train at the very best, right? When I finally called Doheny, my top two choices, cornea and neuro-ophtho, were already filled. The retina department was less than receptive and my glaucoma application disappeared into a black hole.

Being dumb, I didn't make other plans so now I had to scramble. (What was I doing in March??) I started putting together my UPenn app, dropped the paperwork off with Barb and got my immunizations figured out only to find out that their acceptances for the summer months get sent out in early April (ie this week). I called them yesterday and they said if my package could arrive by tomorrow I could have a chance, but no guarantees. I guess it's okay that Barb wasn't able to fill out my one page application within 48 hours because I don't know that I would spend $20 to overnight the application for a spot that's probably already been given away.

UW is a 2 week rotation and requires a $70 UW police check before you can even submit an application. UCI's schedule is one week off of ours. UCSD doesn't take students until late September. Emory doesn't take students until September. Duke's schedule is off of ours. UCLA's program is usually out at the satellite sites. Davis is transitioning to VSAS and doesn't have their schedule up yet.

So I started my VSAS and was going to apply to UW, Columbia and UColorado. I think I was losing my mind because there was no logical reason to do my away at any of those three, but I was desperate.

If it wasn't for some strange force in me that made me suck it up and keep going, I would have seriously seriously QUIT. I don't even want to do an away anymore!

But just as I was making my new list of aways, wanting to shoot myself or fall asleep forever so I didn't have to struggle anymore, USC sent me an email.

"The doctors have reviewed your CV and have agreed you are a good candidate for the program."

I'm in.

Thank God.

My 4th year schedule's still screwed up, but I've got ophtho here in July and an away in August. So we'll see how this goes. If I end up in GS it won't be from lack of trying.